Waking Up

Breakups suck. They do. I never thought I was that girl -- the one who was emotionally stripped by a breakup. Turns out I am. A little over a year ago, Perry and I broke up and in true Charlotte York fashion it took me half the duration of the relationship to get over it... Now I am crawling out of my downward spiral and hoping to get back to my old self.

I miss blogging. I hate being silent here for so long. My world came crashing in on me and things didn't work out the way I wanted them to (not just in my relationship but in my life) and I just retreated. Unfortunately all this took an awful toll and I plumped up and no longer made an effort. I currently live in a small town where the majority of the population could be regulars on Jerry and Maury. With no transportation other than a bicycle its made it hard to socialize with the small handful of people I actually like (BoPeep up north and Bonnie in Milwaukee). The idea of blogging became a thought of fear and guilt all rolled into one. So I have pulled away from everything and everyone.

This holiday season was especially hard -- never more have I want a Norman Rockwell home. I had nothing even close. But that is enough complaining from me. I spent my Holidays with Perry. Not romantically, mind you and it got me to thinking what an amazing person he is and all he has done for me and what a gift it is for me to still have him in my life. His friendship is a blessing and I shouldn't be wallowing we didn't work out romantically, but revel in the fact that the friendship is genuine and I can have more friendships like that. I want that.

So I've started waking up... I know I want out of Kenosha because it provides nothing for me but heartbreak and boredom. I am seeing now that what I have done here, in Kenosha, is put a plastic bag over my head that was filled with negativity. The more I breathed in the more I exhaled into the bag, just to breathe in again. I want to surround myself with positivity. One of the things that brought me a lot of joy was blogging here. Perhaps if I try to fill my life with positivity it will finally bring me the happiness I want in my life right now -- and that is to get the hell out of Kenosha and into Sin City where I can really have some fun!

I am not going to make any promises of blogging... as this "depression" is a slippery slope. But my outlook for a brighter future is there. I've wasted too much time in the dark...

I'm Waking Up...

Ack! I need a new bra in the New Year!